Friday, May 31, 2013

The Opposition of Motherhood

This morning, I woke up to hear my baby babbling to and laughing at himself. It's kind of his new thing. He just wakes up so happy, and it got me thinking of one of my favorite principles in the gospel: There must be opposition in all things. 2Nephi 2:13- "And if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin. If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall also say there is no righteousness. And if there be no righteousness, there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the Earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away." This is the first principle that I remember really's kind of the beginning of my testimony, I suppose. It just makes sense. However, I never understood it like I do, now that I am a mom.

Being a mom is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done. And it's been hard since the VERY beginning. I was sick the first trimester, then I was bigger than I had ever been in my second trimester, then I got even bigger, and was completely exhausted my third trimester, and ended up with outrageously high blood pressure, so I had to be induced 2 weeks early. I'm not saying I had the hardest pregnancy ever. I was actually pretty blessed, when you compare it to other women. But it was the most difficult thing, physically, that I had ever experienced. Then, when he was finally in my arms, my body didn't just magically go back to normal. There's all sorts of uncomfortable things involved in getting back to functional, and even more hard work getting back to normal. I was in the lucky group that looses weight while breastfeeding, so I have that to be thankful for. However, there is no way anyone can prepare you for how sore your boobs get while getting used to breastfeeding. I'm not writing all this to scare anyone who is thinking of having babies, or already expecting. Keep reading, and I'll tell you about the "opposition".

While there is no way to explain the pain and exhaustion involved in childbirth, there is also no way to explain the absolute love, joy and happiness that comes from giving life to a sweet, innocent, child of God, who literally just left our Heavenly Father's presence. And yes, getting up in the middle of the night is frustrating and tiring, but seeing his smile, so happy to see me, no matter time it is, is so, inexplicably, rewarding. Breastfeeding is REALLY difficult to get used to. It hurts terribly, for about a whole month. But taking him to his 2 month checkup and hearing the doctor tell me that he is as healthy as healthy can be is actually relieving, and kinda made me want to feed him more. Like anytime he made noise, I let him eat. Also, a "pro" (if you will) to breastfeeding, I get to know him like no one else ever will, because I see ALL his facial expressions. I haven't slept past 7 since he was born. It's kind of a bummer that I never get to sleep till I wake up all on my own. But when I hear him talking and laughing, I know that he is happy, and feels safe, because of how Wes and I care for him. And when I go get him out of his crib, he smiles so big, just to see me, and I know he trusts me more than anyone else in the world. I can't tell you how amazing it is to know that someone trusts me completely.

That is my feelings and thoughts for the day. That being said, Max had a few firsts today. We went to the park. He got to swing. It was amazing. We put him the baby swing and just let him go back and forth, and he was laughing his guts out. It was probably the cutest thing I have ever seen him do.

 Also, we fed him rice cereal for the first time....he didn't hate it, and he ate most of what I made, but he was happy to nurse again. Also, he was really messy. It was funny, but kinda gross. Luckily I remembered to have Wes strip him down to his diaper before I tried to feed him, cause he had it all over. Hands, face, head, tummy. It was gross.
Basically, I'm obsessed with being a mommy. It is my most favorite thing I've ever done! Every day is something new and exciting, and it's a good self esteem boost to wake up to his happy face every day (and the occasional night) :)

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